At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
