Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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