theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
