Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
