new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Damn victory sex feels great
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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