a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
