around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
