You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
