I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
