Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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