At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
