I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
