All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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