Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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