Your dad touched me again.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
that is very illegal...i love you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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