Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
