Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
