i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
