All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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