Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
