and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
