i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
