Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
