I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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