I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
