I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
