Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
