I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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