the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
