It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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