I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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