i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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