just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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