Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
