apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
