"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So apparently I’m into choking now
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