I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
