On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
