Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
