his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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