Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
