I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
