My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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