I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
