My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sext me about skeletons
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
