I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
