Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
