He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
