And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
