The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
