Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
