Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
