Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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