well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
