I got chris browned last night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
